Celebrity Deathmatch:Anime style !! Episode 1
by MorgothBauglir
Summary: The DEFINITIVE series of anime deathmatch fics.Its organized like the TV show Celebrity deathmatch,with Goku and Vegeta as Nick and Johnny.This is the pilot episode and includes some blockbuster matches.Includes Garlic Jr VS Piccilo,Roshi VS Relena,and Gu
1. Default Chapter

Deathmatch:Anime style!

  
  
  
  
  
  


The screen comes on and we see Goku and Vegeta sitting in the announcers booth.

Goku picks up his microphone and starts talking.

"Hello ladies and gentleman,and welcome to Anime deathmatch.Im Goku son....."

"And im Vegeta"

"And tonight we're bringing you three huge fights involving your favorite nonexistent celebrities. The first fight is between Piccolo and Garlic Jr for the title of..........Baddest ass Namek ever!"

"Our second bout is between Master Roshi and Relena peacecraft" 

"Apparently Master Roshi has made one too many jokes about her name and she's out for revenge"

"And our Main event is between two of the most famous anime teams ever,The Sailor scouts VS. The Gundam wing pilots"

"We go now to ring where the first fight is about to begin"

The death match ring is surrounded by a huge stadium,probably large enough to fit 100,000 people.In the center of the ring is Mills Lane and in opposite corners are Garlic Jr and Piccilo.Mills motions for the two to come to the center of the ring.

"Ok fellas,I want a good clean fight,and try to keep collateral damage to a minimum.Now lets get it on!"

The two combatants run out of their corners and start punching each other rapidly.

Garlic Jr unexpectedly grows to his full size and knocks Piccolo to the other side of the ring.Looking sort of looney Garlic Jr grabs hold of the semi-conscious Piccolo and bites off his arm.Piccilo leaps up and runs around the ring in pain.Garlic Jr smiles.He readies himself and charges at Piccolo again.As he is about to hit Piccilo,His opponent manages to regenerate the bitten off arm and punch forward with the fist.Piccilos attack hits Garlic Jr right in the face.Piccilo grabs with his hand Garlic Jrs skull and pulls his opponents whole Skeleton out through his mouth.Garlic Jrs body,lacking in a skeleton,falls on the floor like a pile of Jello,and he Dies.

Mills lane comes forward and raises Piccilos arm.

"Piccolo is the winner!"

The screen goes back to Goku and Vegeta in the announcers booth.Goku looks Amazed.

"Wow that was a pretty cool fight"

"Yes it really came down to Piccilos Intelligence and mastery of the Regeneration technique."

"We go now to ringside for an interview of Piccolo with our Correspondent Kiyone!"

Kiyone walks up to Piccolo and sticks out the mike for him to talk into.

"That was Quite a Fight Piccilo,Everyone in the audience was very impressed"

Piccolo comes as close to smiling as is possible for Him.

"Thank you"

"So who do you think will win in the fight between The sailor scouts and the Gundam pilots?"

Piccolo gives an evil grin.

"I think they both are a bunch of pretty little wussies and I hope they all rot in the fires of blackest HFIL!"

Kiyone puts on a fake grin.

"Blackest HFIL! Back to you guys"

Goku gives another fake grin.

"Thanks Kiyone,Now the second fight of the night is about to begin!What caused this unusual match up Vegeta?"

"Well Goku the radio show that Master Roshi runs,............Whats its name?"

"Its called "Open mike perversion with Roshi"Vegeta,and one of Roshis biggest source of jokes is Princess Relena and her name.Apparently she has abandoned the total pacifism of her old ideology to challenge Master Roshi to this match."

"We go back to the ring"

In the ring Relena is in one corner and Roshi is in the other.Mills motions for them to come to the center of the ring.

"Ok I want a good clean fight,and no pacifism cause its against the rules.Now lets get it on!"

Relena wastes no time and bolts straight for Roshi.He moves to dodge but she kicks him in the groin.He falls over in pain.Relena shouts at him.

"Im gonna simonize your head you old pervert!"

With that she grabs him form behind and hangs onto his neck trying to strangle him.

"I want you to take back all the mean thinks you said about me and my Kingdom!"

Roshi struggles and trys to get away.

"Let me go,now or you'll be sorry"

Relena gives an angry grin.

"Not a chance!"

Roshi smiles.

"Ok then!"

Roshi Farts with huge velocity and blows Relena off his back and out of the ring.She breaks the ropes and lands in the crowd.She leaps up and charges back into the ring and starts beating Roshi senseless.Goku Grimaces

"Oh my God! Master Roshi cant take that kind of punishment for too much longer!"

"But that doesn't seem to be stopping the thousands of Rabid Roshi fans all around the arena,Their cheering him on,giving him strength!...."

Goku looks back at the ring

"Unfortunately hes still getting his ass kicked"

Roshis fans shout in the stands.

"Hes not gonna make it,hes losing"

Just then we notice Krillin standing in the crowd among Roshis supporters.He stands up with a megaphone.

"We can help Roshi win everyone!"

The crowd looks puzzled.

"How?"

Krillin grins.

"Will all the ladies in the arena please remove their clothes! Master Roshis life depends upon it!"

Within 30 seconds all Roshis female supporters have stripped off all their clothes and are shouting encouragement to Roshi.Presented with a complete overload of his Nasal arteries from the thousands of naked women within view,Master Roshis nose launches a veritable Tsunami of blood at Relena.She is drowned in the attack along with most of the people at ringside.Mills,covered in blood like everyone else,lifts up the arm of the Semi-conscious Roshi,who is still lying in the center of the ring.

"The winner is Mr.Roshi!"

Kiyone is Flabergasted.

"What an amazing show of support from Roshis loyal fans,Back to you guys.................Umm Vegeta,Goku are you there?"

Vegeta and goku are sitting with dopey looks on their faces.Vegeta speaks first.

"That is the Best finish to a fight ever!Lets see that again!"

The screen shows a replay of all the naked women.Vegeta gets all dopey again.

"Lets see that again!"

The replay shows again

"Lets see that again!"

It shows again

"Lets see that again!"

It shows again

"Lets see that again!"

It shows again and Kiyone says talks.

"But now we have to go to ringside for the next fight,Right?"

Vegeta looks unconvinced.

"Well I guess we have the tape of this,Right?I mean..."

Goku cuts in.

"So without further ado We go to ringside for the MAIN EVENT!"

In the red corner are the Sailor scouts Mercury,Venus,Mars and Jupiter aswell as their leader Sailor moon.In the Blue corner are the Gundam pilots Heero Yuy,Duo Maxwell,Trowa Barton,Wu Fei,and Quatre Winner.Mills motions them to the center of the ring.

"Ok I want a good clean fight.No stupid robots and no funny transformations allowed.Now lets get it on!"

The two groups all strike fighting posses.Sailor moon grabs her scepter and shouts to her group.

"Ok sailors,lets takedown these tin jockeys!"

They all say

"Right!"

In unison as always.

The Gundam boys all react differently.Wufei shouts something about the imorality of the weak fighting and charges straight for his opponents.He launches a flying kick and gets Mercury square in the gut.Heero says

"Im going to kill you"

then pulls out his gun and shoots once at Sailormoon taking off one of her meatball hair segments.Trowa shouts at him

"What are you waiting for you moron?Shoot her!"

Heero looks totally suprised.

"But im out of bullets! I never found out This gun only has a one bullet clip because I never fired it more then once in an episode."

Sailor jupiter doesnt give him a chance to recover,whacking him upside the head with her fist.Quatre runs around impotently and keeps shouting

"Cmon guys we've got to join forces!"

The whole fight stops for a second and everyone says

"STOP WHINNING FOR ONCE QUATRE!"

Then the fight goes on.Wufei gets ganged up on by Mars and Venus and they kick him repeatedly in the face.Trowa flies forward Jupiter and Hits her in the stomach with a kick that breaks her in half at the waist.Both halves falls on the mat and she gets annoyed.

"HEY,That really hurt!"

Mars and Venus work together and pull off Wufeis arms,but before they can do any further damage Duo and Quatre knock them to the other side of the ring.Both groups sort of form up in the opposite sorners ready to launch an all out assault.Without warning the ring vanishes in a rain of metal.Goku looks astonished.

"What the hell happened out there? OH my god this is so terrible,all those poor kids crushed under heaps of Jagged metal! Vegeta did you see what happened?"

Vegeta is still watching the tape of the Roshi matches conclusion on his monitor.

"Lets see that again! Lets see that again! Lets see that again! Lets see that again! Lets se...."

The screen cuts from the booth and we have Kiyone at ringside.

"Goku,the cameraman has a replay of what happened.Apparently the lighting rig fell!"

In the background we see Mills crawl out of the ring and stand up,with a number of metal objects sticking in him.Goku is shocked.

"How could it just fall like that,it doesnt make any sense!.............Wait,I think I see some movement up there! Get a camera on the cat walk,quickly!"

The camera zooms in on the cat walk and we see someone.Its Piccilo and hes still in the Machanppouo stance from the attack that dropped the Rig onto the ring.He sees the camera and Grins,then He flies down to ringside,next to Kiyone.She acts a little shocked but holds out the microphone for him to talk into.

"So Piccilo,Youve taken out the Sailor scouts and the Gundam pilots,what are you gonna do now?"

Piccilo Laughs aloud.

"IM GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!"

Kiyone falls over anime style and the camera is back on Goku.

"Well its been 3 great battles in a row,hopefully we'll get a second episode now.For Vegeta,Im Goku-Son,Saying good fight,good night!"

  
  


Play deathmatch music and credits.

"Hi this Goku-san,and Next episode we will have some more great fights for you,starting with Ryoki VS Luna the cat.Then its Zechs VS Traieze.Then it's the battle for cutest little girl between Sasami and Rini In the main event!"

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Celebrity Deathmatch: Anime Style!

Episode 4,or maybe the final episode!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Goku and Vegeta sit in the announcer's booth. Goku speaks first.

"Hello folks, Im Son-Goku..."

Vegeta cuts in.

"And Im Vegeta..."

"And tonight we have a great show for you folks! Well, I mean we have to...."

Vegeta brings up a TV screen.

"For those who missed last week's episode, that moron Captain Ginyu summoned the almighty fanfiction writer to save his life. Instead, The Author told us that if we didn't provide a great show tonight, our universe would come to an end!"

Goku pans the screen over to the stadium.

"For this reason, the world of fanfiction anime has gone all out to produce the most kickass deathmatch fic of all time. The old stadium has been replaced by this, an absurdly huge and 800,000 seat stadium, complete with every conceivable amenity possible."

Goku points to the arena floor.

"And now we have our first event of the day, The cast of Pokemon VS. The Pokemon of Pokemon!"

Mills Lane, who obviously has seen "Gladiator" one time too many puts on a ridiculous wig and shouts loudly.

"His Sayain Majesty is proud to present, The human characters of Pokemon with Pikachu and Meowth!"

A huge gate opens on one side of the stadium, admiting Ash, Misty, Brock, Tracy, Professor Oak, Professor Elm, Jessie, James, Meowth, Pikachu and all the extra and throwaway human characters. Everyone looks really worried. Mills points toward a far larger gate and shouts again.

"And now, his imperial majesty has the pleasure to present, The Pokemon of Pokemon!"

The gates swing open and out storms at least 10,000 fully evolved level 100 pokemon. Leading them is an extremely angry looking Mewtwo. Mills shouts again.

"Ok, I want a good clean fight, now lets get it on!"

Mewtwo shouts at the humans opposite them.

"Your rule of irritating boredom over this so-called anime is no more! Your capitalist exploitation of ignorant parents and insane unbalanced eight year olds ends now! My brethren, CHARGE!"

The elite Pokemon charge forward and quickly smash like a storm into the crowd of people. Golems flatten, Charizards incinerate, Zapdos electrocute, Venasaurs poison, Blastoise drown, Pincers crush, Scythers slice, and Machamps rip, massacring the humans. Mewtwos shouts are heard above the fray.

"No one touches the regulars, they belong to me!"

After another 15 minutes of carnage, the only standing humans are restrained by a crowd of angry Machamps. The only survivors are Ash, Misty, Brock, Tracy, Pikachu, Jessie, James, Meowth and Professor Oak (Professor Elm was accidentally ripped apart by two dozen irritated Snorlax). Mewtwo goes over to the prisoners. He paces back and forth, his personal elite body guard of 100 Electrodes standing in a neat row behind him.

"Brock, for crimes against Pokemon and having those damn squinty eyes, electricity shall now be passed through your body until such time as you are dead"

The Electrodes roll out and having charged up, ZAAPPP Brock until hes good and dead. Mewtwo moves along.

"Tracy, I don't think I even need to say anything"

ZAAAAAPPPPPPPP

"James you are such a freaking wuss it makes me sick. And your voice!"

ZZZAAAAAAAAPPPPPP

"Professor Oak, you are responsible for the start of all this madness!"

ZZZAAAAAPPPPPP

"Meowth, your voice is a crime against all living creatures everywhere!"

ZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP

"Pikachu, you evil quisling turncoat, you are responsible for more crimes then any Pokemon ever!"

Pikachu breaks away from his guards and runs for the arena exit. Mewtwo motions for his guards to stay back.

"I've got him......HYPERBEAM!"

The giant beam of energy shoots through the air, striking Pikachu as he dives for the gate. There's a monstrous explosion and a faint shout of...

"Pika........."

Pikachu disintegrates. Mewtwo turns to Ash.

"As for you, the evilest villain in anime history, your end is thus!"

Mewtwo starts glowing and floating.

"PSYCHIC"

Ash screams in the greatest degree of pain, then his head explodes in a red haze. Mewtwo turns to the two remaining prisoners.

"As for you, you shall be spared, as long as you take this oath, to be ordinary shapely anime vixens from now on, and increase your slutiness quotient by 500%"

Misty and Jessie rush forward and sign the pledge then rush out of the arena to get some over-revealing leather suits. Mewtwo holds his hands up in two Victory symbols.

"I am the new chancellor of the Provisional Communist Republic of Pokemon, and I promise a new era of free wheeling world domination, free of pokeballs!"

The Pokemon soldiers cheer and the entire force wheels and leaves the arena. Vegeta and Goku speak in unison.

"Best damn fight ever!"

Vegeta gets mad at Goku and punches him in the eye. Goku gets mad at Vegeta imitating him and punches him in the eye. Then they realize they need to continue the broadcast to save their lives, and turn back to the cameras. Goku speaks.

"And now we have a three-way bout, Keichi Moristao VS. Tenchi Muyo VS.Ranma Satome!"

Vegeta rubs his hands together and smiles.

"Whoever wins this bout will not get a decent nights sleep for the rest of his life, as he will be winning all the eligible women from his show and his two counterparts shows!"

"The pool of women is as follows...the winner take's Ryoko, Ayeka, Washu, Kiyone, Mihoshi, Nagi, Urd, Belldandy, Shampoo, Ukeki and Akane!"

Vegeta gets mad and tries to leave the booth.

"Im going to fight in this fight! Those little wussies can't satisfy women that good!"

Goku pins him and holds him so he can't get out of the announcer's booth.

"If we don't stay and host the show we all die!"

Vegeta struggles and points at the ring.

"So what! I want a piece of that there high quality As..."

Goku signals for the camera man to cut the audio feed. There is another five seconds of Vegeta making "Suggestive" gestures toward the prize box, then the video feed cuts to the center of the Arena. Keichi, Tenchi and Ranma are arrayed in the center of the huge open arena floor. Tenchi is dressed in full Jurain battle garb, Ranma is wearing his karate Gi and Keichi is simply standing in his ordinary clothes. Ranma looks at Keichi and laughs.

"Ha-Ha, yer gonna get your butt whipped college boy!"

Mills stands in the center of the floor and signals to the three guys.

"Ok, I want a good clean fight, and the man who wins will be getting it on from now on. Now lets get it on!"

Mills runs out of the battle area and Ranma charges toward Keichi.

"This will be a piece of cake, you wussy!"

As Ranmas about to hit him, Keichi pulls a spray bottle from behind his back and sprays Ranma with water. Ranma of course turns into a girl. Mills runs into the ring.

"So you were really a girl all along!"

Ranma looks horrendously mad.

"No, it's the curse of the red-haired girl!"

Mills is not impressed.

"Dis-Qualified!"

Ranma is jumping up and down and protesting. Suddenly Kodanashi jumps out of the crowd and runs toward him.

"Don't worry Ranma, I still love you!"

Ranma runs in terror out of the arena with Kodanashi behind him. As Keichi and Tenchi look at each other, ready to join battle, the voice of "The Ultimate Force" sounds from the sky.

"Ok, this fight is going to be sort of boring so I'll just decide by fiat who will win."

Both combatants stand stock still. For a moment The Ultimate Force thinks.

"Actually, despite all the true love and stuff, Keichi is a real wuss so Tenchi wins"

Tenchi jumps up and down joyously until the gals storm out of the prize box with him carried on their shoulders. The Ultimate Force looks down at Keichi.

"Don't be too sad Keichi, heres your consolation prize!"

Skuld appears out of the sky and lands on Keichis head. She's irrate and starts beating him severely.

"You idiot, you Baka, you filthy loser, because you lost, I have to spend all eternity with your stinking mortal butt!"

Keichi flees with Skuld hot on his heels. Mills steps into the ring.

"By divine judgement, Tenchi Muyo is the winner!"

Tenchi is carried into the center of the ring and an assistant carries a priest's robe out to Mills. The women line up on one side and Tenchi stands on the other side of Mills lane. Mills skims over the vows, reading the important stuff.

"Do you, Tenchi Muyo take these women to be your lawfully wedded wives?"

Tenchi nods.

"I do!"

Mills turns to the other side.

"And do you, Ryoko, Ayeka, Washu, Kiyone, Mihoshi, Nagi, Urd, Belldandy, Shampoo, Ukeki Akane take Tenchi muyo to your lawfully wedded husband?"

The large chorus replies.

"We do!"

Mills shuts the book.

"Now, by the power vested in me by The Satan City Gambling commission, I pronounce you man and wives! Kiss the wives and get the heck out of here!

Tenchi kisses all of his new wives, then they put him on their shoulders and carry him off.

Mills beams for a while then gets back into character.

"Ok, we've got a big fight lined up, clear the arena!

Vegeta leans on his arm.

"Some guys have all the luck"

Goku nudges him.

"Vegeta, if this fight isn't good enough, no one will have any luck, and we'll all be dead!"

Vegeta gets mad and starts trying to kill Goku again, as the camera spins down to the arena. In the center stand numerous gigantic Mecha. Mills, hanging from the catwalk above to avoid getting killed talks into his microphone.

"Fighting for the EVA team is EVA-00 piloted by Rei, EVA-01 piloted by Shinji, EVA-02 piloted by Asuka. In the interest of fair play, no one is allowed use of the AT field in todays bout. Back from the dead by special demand, Fighting for the Gundam team is Zero piloted by Heero, Epion piloted by Zechs, Tall Geese-3 piloted by Trieze, Heavy Arms piloted by Trowa, Sand Rock piloted by Quatre, Shen Long piloted by Wu fei, Death Sycthe piloted by Duo, and about 10,000 garden variety Leos. All this stupid listing is getting me tired, just get it on!"

The garden variety Leos storm forward and fire at the EVAs. EVA-01 sights the Sniper rifle and fires, blasting about 40 Leos into oblivion. Rei holds the Longinus lance in her hands and whirls it in front of EVA-00 like a huge club, smashing anything in its way.

Heero powers up the buster cannon and shoots it straight at EVA-01, just as the sniper rifle fires again. The feedback from the colliding beams explodes both cannons and they are quickly discarded. Asuka tears a path through the useless Leos toward Quatre. She shouts at him.

"Come and fight me, Im more of a man then you are!"

EVA-02 draws its Progressive knives and charges at Quatre. He readies his swords and they duel. Rei continues to dispatch more Leos. Epion, Zero and Tall geese three all rush toward EVA-01. The three Gundams smash into EVA-01, their combined momentum toppling their opponent. Tall Geese 3 is about to drive its sword through EVA-01s chest, when Rei throws the Longinus lance. It curls up as it's thrown then rips Tall Geese 3 apart, crushes another 2 dozen Leos then smashes easily through the stadium wall and into orbit. Shinji draws his progressive knives and stands up. Zero and Epion are too fast however and knock him over. Heavy Arms sprays EVA-00 with gunfire, emptying its magazines, then Shenlong charges forward and sets EVA-00 afire with its dragon arms. EVA-00 falls to the ground, perforated and burning. Quatre is losing his battle against EVA-02, moving continually backwards. Trowa readies the switch blade from under his arm, then stabs EVA-02 deeply in the back. Asuka screams in pain and falls on the ground. Quatre mercilessly smashes her EVA with the swords from its arms. EVA-01 duels as best it can, but the two Gundams are too fast. EVA-01 is sliced extremely badly on its arms, legs and chest. Finally it falls over. Decided that EVA-01 is history, Heero and Trieze move on to demolishing EVA-00, which was still trying to get up. Minutes of smashing horror pass, EVA-00 and EVA-02 being reduced to ripped entrails. Suddenly an amazing and horrible shout of fury and power went up from the other side of the arena. Vegeta looks disgusted.

"This is just a total load of crap, I mean how did they get a sea of blood into the arena?"

Goku motions for Vegeta to be quiet. He whispers.

"When I said they put everything into this arena, I meant everything"

Emerging from a sea of blood, with a perfectly symbolic sunrise behind it is EVA-01. It is totally white, none of the inflicted wounds apparent. In its hands it carries a gigantic sword that is completely silver. It opens its mouth and screams again, causing two huge angelic wings to open. Heero shouts to Mills lane.

"What the F*ck is this Sh*t? It turned into some sort of miraclefinal episode type form and we're supposed to fight it? That wasn't even in the series damn it!"

Mills frowns.

"It is a little out of the ordinary......"

Mills cell phone rings. Shinji is on the line.

"Hey Mills, how would you like a night out with Misato?"

Mills smiles.

"I'll allow it!"

Heero screams in indignation.

"You can't be serious!"

Some ironic person in the sound booth turns on the Gundam wing song "RhythmEmotion" from the crossfire at barge episode REALLY loud over the PA system. Miraculous, ripped off from another Fanfiction EVA-01Invincible Warrior Of Life storms forward, looking perfectly arty and philosophical as it smashes through thousands of useless Leos. It reaches Heero first, slashing his mecha cleanly diagonally from shoulder to hip, the two pieces sliding slightly apart before it explodes. With a fluid motion, super ultra miracle EVA-01 slices Heavy Arms and Sand Rock in half, causing them to explode. Shenlong and Deathsycthe spin around rapidly to see their enemy lop both their heads off. Epion stands in the center of the arena. Rushing at blinding speed toward it, EVA-01 stops and raises the sword above its head. The super ultra miracle EVA-01 screams out something, later discovered through the miracle of instant replay to be some variation on.

"You're the last thing we need in outer space right now!"

Then EVA-01 swings downward and rends Epion in half. The EVA-01 sits down on its hands and demands a pay raise for the amazing grace and brilliant irony with which it annihilated its foes. Shinji is expelled from the core of the EVA and a slightly surprised Mills Lane raises his arm.

"The EVA team is the winner! And son, you should probably put some underwear on"

Shinji notices hes standing totally naked in front of close to a million people. He turns several shades of red before finding some shattered sheets of metal to hide behind. Goku smiles.

"Well folks that's about it, and since the author hasn't appeared, I can safely say this was our best episode ever. For Vegeta im Son Goku saying..."

A bright flash blinded the crowd, and a searing white rip appeared in the space time continuum. Through the rift appeared an average sized 16 year-old boy. Goku cowered in fear.

"Oh my god, its him!"

The Author stood in the center of the arena and spoke, though his voice was the same in all areas.

"Well things were slightly better then I expected, but that stupid bickering between Vegeta and Goku distracted from the whole, and that rip off of my very own fic, Neon genesis evangelion: The beginning and the end, was just lame"

The arena shakes in terror.

"Unfortunately, this is where your universe ends"

Vegeta explodes.

"You idiot Kakkarot! Now we're all going to die and it's all your fault!"

Goku shouts back.

"My fault? You're the horny moron who screwed up the whole second fight!"

The announcement booth starts shaking. Vegetas hair starts changing color.

"You are going to finally get it! Before he destroys our world im going to kick your peasant ass!"

Goku glows yellow.

"You little self important twerp! Im going to pull out your tongue and use it to paint my boat!"

The announcer's booth explodes, and the two deadly enemies stand in the center of the arena. The Author yawns deeply and sits down cross-legged to watch the fight. Goku and Vegeta stand across from each other, staring threateningly in the legendary DBZ tradition for close to three days. The Author scratches his butt.

"Ok, I have a better idea. Just skip all this foreplay and lets have an SS4 earth shattering beam battle"

Goku and Vegeta look towards the author. Goku shrugs.

"Fair enough"

The center of the arena shatters and two craters so deep they end in another dimension appear under them. The ordinarily red fur glows golden. Some lifeless loser in the crowd notices and starts a Website dedicated to the SS5 level of evolution. Both fighters glow extremely brightly and power up to a stage where it looks like they were force-fed 300 pounds of horse steroids. The Author yawns and scratches his feet. Vegeta and Goku shout in unison.

  
  


"FINAL FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

  
  


"KAMEHAMEHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

  
  


The two beams hit each other in the center of the arena and the air is filled with the sound of lightning. The Author stands up.

"Ok, this is boring, think up a better and more involved names for your attacks, now!"

Goku and Vegeta both look sort of disappointed. They ready their attacks again, and shout in unison.

  
  


"SUPER ULTRA FINAL FLAMING LIGHTNING WORLD ANNIHILATING MEGA FLASH OF DEATH ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

  
  


"ULTIMATE FLAMING LIGHTNING DRAGON PUNCH INVINCIBLE BLADE OF KAMEHAMEHA ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

  
  


The entire arena is blown away, the incomprehensibly powerful, legendary pillars of energy fighting for supremacy. Mills Lane hangs onto a rock outcropping and holds against the thousand mile per hour winds. The beams widen, until they're as wide as the entire solar system. To increase the dramatism, both fighters are drawn in pencil, their features sketchy through the sea of energy. Vegeta watches as the beam of blue energy gets closer and closer to him. He remembers the many fights hes had with Goku, then thinks back to his father. The image flashes before his eyes of Frieza killing him, then to a picture of little Vegeta standing next to the king. The king speaks.

"You must remember Vegeta, you are prince of all sayains, and you will someday become the most powerful being in the universe"

Vegetas beam is inches from his hands. His maniacal eyes light up and he completely loses it.

"ILL NEVER LOSE! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Vegetas blast expands at a ludicrous speed, then rips itself through Gokus attack. An explosion so powerful that it doesn't look that big envelops Goku and he dies. Vegeta stands panting.

"Hey I won! I beat Goku, I won!"

Mills lane staggers over to Vegeta and raises his hand.

"Vegeta is the winner!"

The Author claps a bit.

"Quite a nice battle actually, in fact I think I wont destroy your universe for its lack of good fights."

Vegeta jumps up and down for joy. The Author waves his finger.

"Unfortunately, to make this episode interesting, I had to use up every good matchup I could think of, so this universe will now end due to a lack of material"

Some great strides are made in the art of brilliant profanity by Vegeta before The Author picks up a golden keyboard and presses Ctrl+Alt+Delete twice. The world shatters in a rather low rent explosion, and the entire universe disappears through a singularity. The faint cry of

"SSHHHHHH*************TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Is heard as the singularity closes

  
  
  
  


Epilogue

  
  


Vegeta stands around in heaven, surveying the boring terrain. He notices Goku. He runs over and laughs in his face.

"Ha, I finally defeated you!"

Goku smiles at him good naturedly.

"Oh, but you see, whoever has been in heaven the longest is the strongest here"

Vegeta quakes in fear.

"You don't mean...."

Goku shouts in glee.

"That's right, I am stronger then you for all eternity!"

King Yama covers his ears as the shout

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Fills the entire afterlife.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


THE END

  
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH: ANIME STYLE!

  
  


The camera pans upward to the announcement booth. Goku picks up the microphone.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Celebrity deathmatch! Im Goku-son"

Vegeta grabs his microphone

"And Im Vegeta!"

"And tonight we have blockbuster line up of fighters. Starting the night off is Dr.Tofu VS Dr.Briefs.Then its Priss VS Nagi for the title of baddest ass anime chick ever!"

"For once some girls who can actually fight!"

"And to top it all off, we have The Ronin warrior's VS The Ginyu force for the title of dumbest team ever!"

"We go now to the arena for the first fight!"

The camera zooms in on the ring in the center of the huge arena. Mills lane steps into the center between the two combatants.

"Ok gentleman, you're both doctors. But if all goes like it's supposed to, then neither of you will be curable by any doctor. Now lets get it on!"

Tofu and Briefs both strike their fighting poses. Briefs immediately opens his jacket and gets out his pack of cigarettes. Tofu puts his hands on his hips.

"What is the matter with you? You always have a cigarette in your mouth, but this is ridiculous!"

Briefs smiles.

"You haven't seen nothing yet!"

Briefs takes something out of his coat and we see hes wearing military ammunition vest, and every pocket is filled with cigarettes. He pulls out close to a hundred and put the ends to his mouth. He twists his wrist at a strange angle and a huge lighter extends from his sleeve. He pulls the trigger and it lights. One swift pass lights all hundred cigarettes. He inhales, then he runs over to where Tofu is and exhales a dark cloud of smoke. Tofu falls on the ground, hacking and coughing. Briefs takes advantage of the opening and pulls the cigarettes out of his mouth. He dives at Tofu and burns him a hundred fold with the smoking butts. Tofu screams in pain and kicks Briefs away. Briefs is about to charge him again, the he hears his cell phone ringing. He blushes with embarrassment.

"Um....give me a minute will ya?"

Tofu is trying to treat his burns.

"Take your time"

Briefs gets off the phone.

"Well, I've got an appointment for a chest X-ray, do you mind waiting?"

Tofu shakes his head.

"Nope"

Briefs runs out of the ring.

Vegeta shakes his head.

"Just no respect for the fight, it's really pathetic"

  
  
  
  


30 minutes later

  
  


Briefs get back, and climbs into the ring.

"Ok, lets fight again!"

Tofu has a huge crate sitting next to him. He pulls on one side and the whole crate collapses. Inside is a gigantic chunk of Tofu.Briefs starts rolling on the floor laughing.

"What the heck are you going to do with that?"

Tofu grins.

"This"

He presses a button and the ring starts cracking under Briefs.A huge tank of water rises upwards, trapping Briefs inside. Tofu, with great effort, raises the huge slab of tofu and throws it into the giant tub. He then grabs a microphone.

"This is a little known way of cooking Tofu.Usually, some small fish are thrown into a tub of water with some tofu. When the water is heated up, they try to escape the heat inside the tofu. The resulting tofu is quite good. Now we're going to try it with something else!"

After about 10 minutes of horror, Mills lane declares Dr.Tofu the winner. Goku looks disgusted.

"That was one of the most pathetic fights I've seen!"

Vegeta looks even more disgusted.

"Hell, it was even worse then the Ryoki VS Luna the cat fight"

Vegeta is grabbed by network security and dragged to the underground torture chamber for disobedient hosts and newscasters. Vegeta has numerous cuts and bruises on his face. Goku looks at him.

"Looks like you got roughed up."

Vegeta gives him the death glare.

"Shut up"

Goku turns back toward the camera.

"And now our second fight, which hasn't even been decided who will win yet!"

Goku is dragged off to the underground torture chamber, and the camera switches back to the ring. Priss and Nagi are in the center of the ring. Mills motions them to the center.

"Ok, I want a good clean fight. And if I see any ladylike behavior, You're both disqualified!"

The two women square off in the center. Nagi immediately calls out.

"Kenoki, go!"

Kenoki immediately runs out and turns into a spaceship. Priss, not wanting to become the next Luna the cat, runs and jumps into her hard suit. Using the suit's extraordinary maneuverability, she avoids Kenokis blasts. Nearly the whole arena is destroyed in the continuing pursuit. Finally Kenoki gets tired and goes to eat a carrot. Nagi fumes, then gets out her sword. Priss has her battery run out and jumps into the ring. She grabs her microphone and uses the cord like a whip. They fight back and forth. Nagi finally succeeds in stabbing Priss in the arm. Despite the pain, Priss swings her microphone, and the cord wraps around Nagi.In her surprise, Nagi drops her sword. Priss laughs.

"Now you get a taste of my singing talent!"

She takes the plug end and shoves it into Nagis ear. She then grabs the mike and starts singing REALLY loud. Nagis head vibrates then explodes. Mills goes over and raises Priss's hand.

"Priss is the winner!"

Goku comes back from the torture chamber and talks weirdly.

"Anf nowff theff mainevfff!"

Vegeta gets pissed off.

"Damn it Goku get whatever it is out of your mouth"

Goku frowns and spits out his teeth. Vegeta gets pissed at him.

"And you call yourself a Sayain! You make me sick!"

The camera pans down to the arena where the two teams are getting ready. The Ronin warriors put on their armor and strike poses. Captain Ginyu laughs.

"You call THAT a pose?"

He motions to his men. They all strike absurd poses, and generally look like a bunch of 300 pound cheerleaders.

"Ha, ha, that's how its done"

Mills gets pissed and calls out.

"Everyone in the center of the ring, now!"

The fighters obey.

"Ok, I want a good clean fight, now lets get it on!"

Ronin Warriors all ready their magical weapons and charge at the Ginyu force. Ginyu and his men are suddenly getting there asses kicked. Ginyu escapes for a moment.

"Quickly, I must call upon, the ultimate power, the eternal judge of all matters of anime!"

The Ronin warriors act all worried.

"Oh no,hes summoning it!"

Ginyu says some magical chant and a rift in space time appears. An irritating 16-year-old guy appears through the rift. The Ronin warriors wonder for a minute.

"The almighty creator of fanfiction is this guy?"

The boy bows.

"Hello, someone called me?"

Ginyu kneels on the ground.

"Please oh lord of this dimension, save us from the boring action sequences and lazy drudgery of this battle!"

Looking sort of bored, the author shrugs.

"Sure, this battle was pretty boring, otherwise why would this be happening."

Ginyu is confused.

"I don't understand"

The author stands boredly.

"Well since I control everything in this dimension, I made you summon me since nothing interesting was going to happen in this fight anyway......Oh yes the outcome"

The author points his finger in the direction of the Ronin Warriors.

"Curse of Backspace!"

The Ronins are all back spaced into oblivion. They're supporters at ringside cry in anguish. Magically, Ule and Mia float into the ring. The author frowns.

"Always did hate you guys"

The author points at them.

"Curse of the keyboard!"

A giant keyboard appears out of the skies and beats the two irritating twits until they're good and dead. The author picks his nose.

"Well thats about it, have to go write a huge overdone ending to that Evangelion fanfiction. I suggest your fights become more interesting in the future or quite simply your world will come to an end."

The author vanishes. Goku and Vegeta sit in their commentary booth. Goku manages to talk.

"Ladies and gentleman we're out of time, but if you don't watch next week we might all be dead. Watch next time, as we pull out all the stops to provide a show that will save us from the endless oblivion of the recycled bin. For Vegeta, im Johnny Knoxville and im about to go up in flames........."

The network security storms in and starts beating Goku and Vegeta mercilessly with riot clubs.

  
  
  
  


Hey this is Goku! Better watch next episode as we're going to be giving you matches from every which way! Gundam VS. Evangelion, Tenchi muyo VS. Ranma 1/2,and just about every anime character ever fighting each other to save us all from The Authors wrath!


End file.
